It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife and vice versa even though most of the females may not have had any fortune before being paid for. This piece is not really based on who has what fortune before marriage, it is out to state that if one bases one’s reason for marrying someone on love, one could be doomed.
Sandra walked to her parents happily one evening to reveal the reason for her happy mood that day. Jerry had proposed to her. Her dream will finally come to pass. She will marry someone she has always loved. “Marriage is a vocation. It involves absolute carefulness and dedication. It therefore means that you have to look before you leap” the father admonished. “I love Jerry” Sandra anxiously said with the hope of getting her father’s approval since the mum has always been in support of it. They had been dating for four years. She really loved him. “Why do you love him” Sandra’s father queried. She had no reason… “I just love him dad” Sandra coldly affirmed. She was glad the father approved her getting married to the love of her life.
Every arrangement was made, and then Jerry wedded Sandra. One year after their wedding, things started changing. Jerry’s attitude was no longer appealing as it had seemed to Sandra. She thought… “This is not the Jerry I dated for four years… this is not the Jerry I married” she would sob. Jerry had begun clubbing and sleeping out. Things he seemed not to have done while they dated, Jerry started doing.
Why does a woman work tirelessly for years to change a man, and then complain he’s not the man she married? She loved him for unclear reality. She was blissfully unaware of the peril she was about entering when her father was asking questions. “What are his unique qualities” the father once asked. “He is my kind of man” She responded. I sincerely agree with Albert Einstein on the point that men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed. Jerry had always known that Sandra was a good girl and every girl whether good or bad, wants to be with a good man too. Jerry had to settle for pretence. He had pretended to be whom he was not and made Sandra fall for him. Sandra was now his wife; he had no course to pretend anymore.
Let’s assume that Sandra had taken her time to go into details about whom her husband to be was, by now she would not sob. If she had brought out those qualities she needed in a man and then cross-checked those of Jerry, she would have been happy. If she had put love aside, followed up and married Jerry for the qualities, then I bet you, the qualities would have triggered her love for him the more. Jerry was wiser. He looked at her own qualities and married her for them. He married her with the hope that she will never changed. Now Sandra hopes that Jerry changes back to his pretentious days. What a pity!
However, I have come to understand that you will never make a good wife or husband if you are always in love. Being in love will definitely not allow you to use your head. The fact is, “by all means marry; if you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.” Socrates stated. By this, if you don’t use your head, you wouldn’t know whether he or she is a bad one. Then instead of being a philosopher (wise one), you become foolish. All of these happen because you put love first even when most people don’t know what this love is. When you put love first, it blindfolds you, you may not know what you may be doing.
Like a friend of mine said on his facebook wall sometime ago… among all who claim to love their partners, how many will stay if for instance, after your wedding, while in your honeymoon, you now discover that the person you have been dating has been the same sex with you? It means that we should have watched out for the qualities first. This would have determined the extent of the love you will give or get.
Finally, if you dare convince anyone to marry you simply because you love him or her, and if eventually the person does not love you in return, double jeopardy. Wait a minute! What if he or she says they love you? The question I will keep asking is, “How do you know he or she loves you?”… And for those who will always claim saying “O! He is my first love, I can’t leave him”… remember that first love may not always be the best love.
This is to every unmarried one out there, most especially females. Put love first, you will one day cry but if you put qualities first then you will fly.