The most common and most painful issues which have the slightest inclination to breaking relationships apart is not far from the men cheating on their women. Although, many would say that the girls cheat too, of course they do too but it happens to be an inevitable tendency mostly in men. It is the most rampant when we speak of cheating. I have closely observed that when men cheat on women, no matter how rigid her heart may be, she will constantly live in fear of the fact that sooner or later, her boy friend or husband will cheat on her the same way he has always done. That fear will make her unable to enjoy their present relationship, even when everything seems to be great.
The truly scary thing about undiscovered lies is that they have a greater capacity to diminish us than the exposed ones. We may think that when we lie to our girls and we are not caught, that we are the hero, no! These lies erode our strength, our self-esteem, our very foundation. This is an aspect that guys do not know. The most painful part is that most guys do it proudly openly while the girls if need be, would do it in a hidden way with their subconscious rebuking them.
Carl Lewis once urged that people have a moral standard about what they will do and will not do. At the end of the day someone who cheats has a lower moral standard than someone who does not. And there is every possibility that they will cheat in other areas of life as well. Whether or not that is true, this piece is not out to castigate the men neither is it targeted at subjugating them to their partners, it is aimed at three simple reasons: to help the women understand the reasons behind this common sexual behavior of a typical, modern man in our contemporary society; to help decrease the probability that you will be cheated on by the guy that you are dating; and to help you, as a woman, handle yourself and the situation much better if your current or future boy friend or husband ends up having an affair outside.
Like my friend would say, “this is reality dot com!” … don’t ever think you can fully insure yourself from being cheated on. If you become complacent in your relationship, you end up hurting yourself. Let’s see the top reasons why men cheat:
1. Inability to say no. He unknowingly attracts sexy women who come onto him, and he doesn’t know how to say “no”.
2. To boost his ego – Infidelity is an ego boost for a man with low self esteem – especially if he’s less successful or earns less money than his partner.
3. Peer Pressure. He spends a lot of time in the company of people who cheat. His workmates, or close friends are cheating on their mates. So he succumbs to peer pressure and cheats just to follow the bandwagon.
4. To end the relationship. Sometime a cheating man will have what is called an “exit affair” because he wants to end the marriage or relationship. Instead of manning up and telling you it’s over, he takes the coward’s way out, knowing that if you catch him cheating, you’ll leave him or kick him out thereby giving him a quick ticket to leave.
5. Because you let him– He cheated before you let him get away with it. You did not stand firm on your ground. You could not reprimand him for his action. You let him win you over easily. He will still do it after all, you will have no choice but to stay firm to the relationship instead of going from one man to the other. These will be his thoughts.
6. He views it as a status symbol. Many men consider it a status symbol to be able to afford a mistress. He may view it as one of the trappings of success. “Do you know how many babes I’ve slept with?” he would boast among his friends.
7. To satisfy his sexual status and orientation. If he’s gay or bisexual, he may cheat on you by having affairs with other men.
8. To see what it’s like to have sex with someone else. Men who married young, or had limited sex experience before settling down, may cheat to see what they might have missed.
9. Because he knows he can get away with it. He cheated before and you didn’t find out, so he’s confident he can do it again and you won’t find out. It’s now left for you to device a means to catch him.
10. Opportunistic sex. He was presented with an opportunity to cheat without the fear of getting caught, so he took advantage of the situation. This is how good men end up denting their names and cheating on their mates.
11. A Sense of Entitlement. Many men feel they’re so rich, famous, handsome, sexy, charming or they have all it takes to attract any girl and besides, every girl (fans) wants to be with them, so, they are entitled to cheat because of who they are.
12. He figures you’ll never find out– He thinks you’re too stupid, too naïve, too busy, too in love with him, too trusting to find out, or even suspect that he’s having an affair.
13. To prove his manhood. Some men think that the more women they have sex with, the more manly they are. They think cheating is a macho thing to do.
14. The thrill of the chase. Some cheaters actually thrive on the excitement generated by a secret affair. They view all the ducking, dodging and sneaking around infidelity involves as a form of recreation, or a high-risk sport.
15. He’s a player. He’s a hardcore cheater for whom cheating is a way of life. He likes having lots of women and pitting one against the other. To him, cheating is just a game. He believes to be the winner.
16. He knows you’ll take him back. He knows you’ll never leave him. He cheated before and you didn’t hesitate to take him back without making him go through any changes or holding him accountable for his behavior. See
17. Love. Some men cheat because they’re really in love with the other woman. It may have started out as a cyber affair, or an innocent friendship that became an emotional affair, which progressed to sexual infidelity.
18. Poor role models If his father, uncles, or other male role models cheated, he may subconsciously be programmed to follow their example, considering infidelity to be the norm – especially if the female role models in his life tolerated the infidelity.
19. To participate in certain sex acts. Some men cheat to fulfill their sexual fantasies, or because they want kinky sex, or sex acts their wives or girlfriends won’t perform.
20. The influence of drugs or alcohol A great deal of infidelity ( especially one night stands) can be attributed to the influence drugs or alcohol, which can lower inhibitions, and impair good judgment, resulting in behavior the cheater may later regret.
21. Cultural reasons– He may come from a culture (Yoruba, or Igbo) where it’s common for men to have mistresses and or marry more than one wife.
22. To see if he’s still “got it.” Men in their 50’s and older sometimes cheat just to reaffirm their sexuality. They cheat to prove they can still attract and sexually satisfy another woman – usually one who is younger than their mate.
23. He knows you’ll put up with his cheating Some men cheat because they know their partner will look the other way – as long as they’re discreet, keep their infidelity low key, and avoid publicly embarrassing their mate.
24. Revenge. Though revenge cheating is more with women than with men, sometimes a man will cheat to get back a wife or girlfriend who cheated on him… the most painful is doing it with her friend or someone she always disliked.
25. Sex addiction– probably the only reason on this list that can halfway be excused because true sex addiction is a medical condition in which the cheater really can’t help himself. If he’s truly a sex addict, he needs to get professional help. But true sex addiction is not as common as men would have you believe.
26. Testing another Girl. He wants to feel how the other girls are as compared to his partner.
27. She has nothing else to give him but her beauty and sex. They are not very interesting or funny, and there is nothing about their personality that would make the guy want to see them again, except of course their physical beauty. Men will lie about how much they like that woman in order to get sex from her, while others will be sincerely blinded by attraction and will truly believe that they want to get to know that woman even though all they are attracted to is her body. However, shortly after getting sex from that woman a few times, these men will realize that there is nothing else that they want from her and they will be eager to get away from her and be with someone, whose company they enjoy outside of the bedroom as well.
28. Not Good Enough on Bed. Though painfully simple but surprisingly common – many women are simply not good enough in bed to keep their partner sexually happy, excited and satisfied. They don’t know what they are doing with their bodies, hands and mouth. Few men will stick around and appreciate a woman who is a mediocre sex partner. I have seen many guys dump very beautiful women for that exact reason. Those women’s beauty was “neutralized” by their incompetence or their behavior during intimacy that chilled romance.
29. Her quick anger chases him away so he may want to seek contentment generally elsewhere.
30. She is being too jealous. Because of this, she is not giving him breathing space. No guy wants this. When this happens, he may begin to avoid her.